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Management and prevention of intrusive obsessive negative feedback looping OR how to not have imaginary arguments anymore.

I live with frequent intrusive thoughts.  The unwanted words in my own voice in my own head that are often hurtful. The problem (aside from the self-harm ideation which I have read is neither normal nor healthy) is that in an emotional state these become obsessive. Someone upsets me.  I obsess about how they did it.  Then I imagine why they did it.  Then I imagine a confrontation with them about it.  I imagine a good argument on their defense.  I now start over but imagine a better reason why.  Repeat argument. I notice this AFTER I'm at about the 3rd iteration of the argument.   Management WHEN I recognize I am in this cycle I can only mitigate it.  The thoughts are gonna come.  I need to deflect and return to some other direction.  It's driving a boat with a bent tiller, stop steering and you are stuck in a loop. Acknowledge that yes, you are obsessing again. Then think on something else.  Keep control of what you are th...
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Dan Jones is a beautiful man and I let him talk me to sleep

 Simple placeholder link for the man Dan Jones, gorgeous historian and gentle voice that I use to calm me during my fits Dan Jones Playlist: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL3od2hLlPmZl_QC59NDEBSDWucpHzvoTO Secrets of Great British Castles: https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=secrets+of+great+british+castles
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Why it's useless to say "just call me"; Theoretical butt dialing solution

 Mental Health advocates and well wishers so often post "just call me" or "just reach out". Yeah, that doesn't work for me. I have 0 problem admitting my own broken skull occupant.  Nope.  It's not stigma or pride or any of that. I can't call because I won't let me. When I am in a fit of pain it's because of my brain.  My own brain is trying to harm me, trying to kill me.  So using this brain, the same one trying to hurt me, as a sounding board on whether I should call so-and-so for help doesn't end up working. It's like asking Jason Voorhees what law enforcement jurisdiction number you should phone to stop him.   An intellectual way to say it is: My ability to reach out for help is inverse to the urgency of the requirement. Or: The worse I am the less I can call.    A line I wrote in the midst of the fit was:  "There is no safe place to be this broken".   This is AFTER my google searches for how bad my suicidal ideation was di...
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Link and transcript from "5 Realities of Life When Your Brain Wants You to Murder" - Copyright Cracked.com

This is the transcript from this Cracked article.  I am saving it as they have taken down other useful posts in the past and this one has been too valuable.  Full credit and rights to Cracked.com and the author.   https://www.cracked.com/article_21834_5-realities-life-when-your-brain-wants-you-to-murder.html 5 Realities of Life When Your Brain Wants You to Murder When you hear "OCD," you probably think about a serious anxiety disorder with physical compulsions, or about how wacky you are for wanting to keep your bookshelf alphabetized, depending on your level of knowledge. But there's another, more obscure form, known as Primarily Obsessional OCD, which can give you strong, repetitive urges to murder your loved ones. Not quite as cute and approachable as Monk, is it? Lydia was diagnosed with it as a teenager. Here's what she's learned in the years since. 5  There Is a Form of OCD That Makes You Want to Kill I want you to look around the room you're in. What...
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Cheat sheet for coping with an anxiety/depression/ptsd fit OR "yeah, these things work so far"

Cheat sheet for coping with an anxiety/depression/ptsd fit: or Yeah, these things work so far. Recognize the fit.  Symptoms include: Cold extremities (oh god my feet are so cold) Sense of fever with no temperature Agitation/shaking Gravity well sucking you down, like, jowls now, you have jowls now The smallest bladder ever.  Peeing is frequent. Deal with the physical shock/trauma/fight/flight response.   The fit will pass in about an hour, half an hour if you're lucky.   You're responding like you have an internal injury with no medical way to fix it; address the symptoms. Care for the patient (yourself) by getting them warm, comfortable, resting and with a calming and soothing atmosphere.   Make them comfy couch, chair, bed, somewhere restful and cushioned.  Avoid scalding desert sand if possible. Isolate from interruptions  Pets, children, shambling forms of monstrous goo Blanket them to keep them warm.   There is always a fa...
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