Management and prevention of intrusive obsessive negative feedback looping OR how to not have imaginary arguments anymore.

I live with frequent intrusive thoughts.  The unwanted words in my own voice in my own head that are often hurtful.

The problem (aside from the self-harm ideation which I have read is neither normal nor healthy) is that in an emotional state these become obsessive.

Someone upsets me.  I obsess about how they did it.  Then I imagine why they did it.  Then I imagine a confrontation with them about it.  I imagine a good argument on their defense.  I now start over but imagine a better reason why.  Repeat argument.

I notice this AFTER I'm at about the 3rd iteration of the argument.  

Management

WHEN I recognize I am in this cycle I can only mitigate it.  The thoughts are gonna come.  I need to deflect and return to some other direction.  It's driving a boat with a bent tiller, stop steering and you are stuck in a loop.

Acknowledge that yes, you are obsessing again.

Then think on something else.  Keep control of what you are thinking of by thinking of something.  Sometimes I try to remember plot points in the MCU and determine it's point in the timeline.  Sometimes I remember England exists and what fun little sheep farms could be visited there. 

It will be tiring.  You're fighting your brain with your brain.  You relax and you're back in the loop.  

Prevention

This won't work in an agitated emotional state.  This is next day, or next week kind of homework.  

Whatever it was that I was obsessing about I need to set facts down on paper.  No loaded language, boring policy legal statements.  Facts only.  The goal is to QUANTIFY what, when, who and how something happened.  (Never answer why, no one ever knows why something happens since why implies there was a rational reason for something.)

Then my emotions need to by quantified.  No hyperbole, the simpler the language the better.

• I messaged Kyle 4 days ago.
• Kyle didn't call me.
• Kyle didn't text me.
• Kyle posted in a group chat a non-funny ironic meme with Jim Henson and Pepe.

 

• I feel hurt.
• I feel Kyle let me down.
• I feel abandoned by Kyle.
• I feel minimized by the group in the group chat.

This won't make everything better.  This won't prevent the next inevitable bout of intrusive obsessive feedback looping.  

This will give me ammunition to use from outside my emotional brain during those fits.  I can look at the list and the problem is no longer as exaggerated.  It will be more manageable and limited in time and space.